Sneha Jaiswal (Twitter | Instagram)
“Spinning”, the graphic novel memoir by Tillie Walden is like a slice of sadness wrapped in pretty paper – it’s gorgeously drawn, but steadily melancholic, from page one until the end.
“I was a competitive figure and synchronized skater for twelve years,” Tillie tells readers on the first page of the memoir, which only has one illustration – that of the protagonist entering a room, watercolor shades of blue and yellow surrounding her. And in flashbacks, the artist reveals a grim life of her preteen self, waking up before the sun to go to grueling practice sessions, taking part in competitions, winning a lot of them and yet completely despising the experience.
The strange part about Tillie’s life as a competitive skater is the fact that her parents don’t seem to have pressured her into it, or at least she makes no indication of parental pressure to keep up with the strenuous regime she so hates. If anything, her mother seems to be more than happy to not have to pay for her classes when she finally decides to quit and the father seems to be pretty supportive. I guess it’s just one of those things that we trap ourselves into, without anybody locking the door on us – we take up something nobody asked us to, and then refuse to part with it even after finding out it’s not what we want. The door is open and yet we don’t walk out.
“Spinning” is a memoir which feels like a jigsaw puzzle with missing pieces, Tillie chooses to display only certain pieces (of course it is up to her to reveal what she wants and hold back things), so as a reader, at least for me, the experiences in the graphic novel felt incomplete. There’s a gnawing feeling that either the creator is holding back a lot or well, maybe there isn’t more to the tale. Apart from her skating journey, the memoir also explores the author’s struggles at school with bullies, with making friends, coming to terms with her sexuality and finding art. Tillie realizes early on she is attracted to girls, but rampant homophobia around her makes it difficult for her to speak about it. Yes, she does meet someone, and after a brief period of happiness, there’s heartbreak.
Tillie Waldon’s fluidly flowing artwork is the highlight of this graphic novel memoir, there’s a hazy-dreamy quality to it, which makes the story nostalgic, a fitting style for a memoir. Almost 400 pages long, many chapters open with a single illustration depicting an ice-skating move and the author explaining what it is. Tillie lets the art do the talking in many panels, with no dialogues and just the expressions and movements of characters enough to explain what’s happening. Majority of the novel is in an inky shade of blue, while some pages have other shades (usually yellow) to change the mood.
It feels like this graphic novel memoir is the author’s attempt to purge all the negative emotions she attached to a certain phase of her life. Despite having a seemingly doting dad, a twin brother who she gets along with (at least the rare few panels they appear), even an ice-skating friends who is always there for her – Tillie either unintentionally or deliberately doesn’t share lighter and fun moments of her life. So “Spinning” is a gloomy read, but with beautiful artwork.
Rating: 3.5 on 5.
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